Being a highly sensitive person myself, I take things personally, whether they are meant that way or not. I will dwell on bad news, attitudes, and words. They will consume my thoughts and sour my mood and feelings.
Yesterday was not a good day. I was sick, feeling weak, light headed, and nauseous. I had been up most of the night previously with chills, despite putting on a sweat shirt, sweatpants, and socks. I did not get much sleep, especially with both kids coming to wake me up at some point during the night.
It was not easy to get rest during the day with a two and four year old requiring attention, but I managed. I felt a bit better as evening approached, but the nausea remained. I was hoping to be able to sleep through the night, knowing full well that wasn’t likely. Owen woke up in the middle of the night and I struggled to fall back asleep. I had to get up and take magnesium to calm my restless legs. I decided to go back to Owen’s room because he was tossing and turning, which unfortunately meant a restless end of the night for me as well.
Also unfortunately, Corey came barging into Owen’s room this morning, half dressed. He said his alarm clock didn’t go off and he only woke up because his boss called. Just as I was about to commiserate with him, he tells me that I can’t be sleeping with the kids anymore because he needs help with this, obviously. This isn’t the first time he’s over slept but usually, my internal alarm clock wakes me up before it’s too late and I can get Corey out of bed.
The problem isn’t me, I know that. The problem is I am relied upon by everyone too much. My husband doesn’t need my help, he needs to help himself. Instead of hitting his snooze button repeatedly, which usually jolts me awake and forces me to lay there in anger, he needs to get up the first time it goes off. He also needs to own the fact that he actually did hit the snooze button because he showed me his set alarm last night before we went to bed.
It sucks that he was late to work, for the second time this week. The last time, which I also got the brunt of anger with, was because he forgot his wallet at home. That was the second time in a week he had done that, but the first time, he left it on his dresser. The second time, I noticed it laying on his dresser again the night before, so I put it in the kitchen key rack right by the door where we’re supposed to place our belongings. Bad call though because I failed to inform him that I put it there. So, even though he didn’t even realize his wallet was missing until he needed it at the gas station, and then had to come home for it, I was angrily lectured about moving his things.
I’m so tired. In so many ways. The fact that any blame was placed on me when I did absolutely nothing wrong, is infuriating. I really needed extra sleep this morning. I’m the only thing that keeps this family functioning and yet I’m the first one to be attacked when anything goes wrong.
The Cautious Crow 